I’ve been finding myself more and more dissatisfied with my job. I mentioned this briefly here.

This seems ludicrous to me because I LOVE my work.

I didn’t know, at first that I was feeling dissatisfied. It didn’t come on with bells and a marching band, “Clang, clang, clang! Tonia! You’re dissatisfied.” It came on subtly and gradually.

It mostly started after vacation. Gosh. Vacation hangover is real. It was my first holiday in 5 years that had nothing to do with work in any way. I often travel for conferences, workshops, trainings, etc).

We went on a Caribbean cruise. Every moment of every day was about one of three things: pleasure, fun, or peace.

I lost 5 pounds!! There was literally rich, delicious food tempting me 24/7 and I lost weight.

Partly that is due to how active we were, and partly due to the fact that there was NO STRESS.

Upon return to real life, it felt harder and harder to get out of bed. It was less inspiring to get to the office. Seeing patients was feeling tedious. This was so confusing to me because I love my work, as mentioned.

I need to SHOW you what I mean. Here is a vid that does just that.

I can’t say that darn oath (read the full thing here) without getting emotional. Recently a patient asked me if had the oath memorized. Across the room from where I was prepping his injection,  I started reciting it. And just as you saw me do in the video above, I started crying.

Those words bind me in a sacred covenant from which I can’t recuse myself.

So why was I so dissatisfied?

Part of it was due to the fact that so many patients seem disappointed, and dissatisfied. I talk all about my theory on that here.

Not that I’m blaming anyone or anything. I take full responsibility for my own well being. But admittedly, it’s hard to stay positive when the people around you are so down.

And then I had an AHA. Wait. The universe isn’t testing me. This isn’t some sadistic exam passed out to the people of Earth to see who’s the best at life. No. The universe isn’t testing me.

The universe is reflecting me.

DING! If all these dissatisfied people are showing up in my environment... am... I... dissatisfied?

Yep! It turns out, I sure was. My TOP core desired feeling is SATISFACTION. More than anything I want to feel satisfied.

And the universe was doing a lovely job of showing me the contrast so I could take responsibility (there’s that word again) and make necessary changes.

So I’m now actively seeking out things that feel satisfying, I’m actively acknowledging things that fill me with satisfaction, and I’m doing my best to find silver linings in even the most dreary situations.

What does satisfaction feel like?

It may be different for you, but for me, it’s like Shavasanaana. That pose at the end of yoga? You know the one where you lie there, after all the work you just did, and you just take it all in?

I know for the chronic doers and achievers out there, that this pose is the worst! It seems like you’re doing NOTHING. As a recovering one of those, it’s now my favourite.

I breathe. I feel my blood moving. I feel my sweat dripping. I think ... look what I just did!

That to me is SATISFACTION. It’s the moment of recognition and acknowledgment.

As I translate this into my practice, what feels satisfying?

• Deep conversations.

• Transformational AHAs.

• Intimate, vulnerable moments.

• True tenderness between two human beings.

• Courage and willingness to explore what is going on under neat the surface.

What doesn’t feel satisfying?

• People not showing up for their appointments

• Charging and chasing people down for payments for missed appointments.

• Not charging people for missed appointments (either way it never feels like a win).

• Giving people quick fixes.

• Staying at a superficial level with people’s health concerns.

• Having people not comply with my recommendations because they haven’t invested. (Or so says my current hypothesis.)

• Focusing only on nutrients when the mind and soul need profound nourishment.

I have a lot of tools in my tool kit.

I can meet anyone where ever they are at. I know who needs more B12, and who needs to clean out candida. I know when to suggest hormones and when plant medicine will do a better job.  I get when to detox a body and how quickly to approach that. I understand how we need to be taking care of our physical bodies on a daily, regular basis.

But that is not the best use of me.

While these seem like physical ways of supporting someone (and on the surface they are), for me, it’s a gateway to go deeper.

We need a clean body so we can have a clean mind.

We need a clean mind so we can connect to our own authentic truth.

We need that so we can really show up in the world and make a difference.

Healthy, happy people doing what they love contributes to world peace. And all that jazz.

This little satisfaction crisis has shown me I need to be doing just that. Doctor heal thyself, teach what you need to learn. And all that jazz.

Where my heart resonates with satisfaction in my work:

I’m realizing what I’m really gifted at and where I can best serve. I enjoy when I get to work with people on a deep level. Beyond headaches,  joint pain and diarrhea. Those physical symptoms are gateways that our bodies so kindly give us so that we may dive inwards, get in touch with ourselves.

Me healthy, happy and doing what I love is when I get to work patients when we can explore the emotional, energetic and even spiritual causes of those physical symptoms.

I thrive in the therapeutic relationships where I can intuit information, work with energy, converse about transformation, and co-create miracles. I blossom when I can have intimate and powerful conversations that create transformational AHAs. I am exquisitely skilled at holding space for emotional discomfort, no matter the flavour.

Helping people with their physical ailments is still the goal (because again healthy, happy people doing what they love...) and working with people on that level because that's where they are starting is fine... as long as they know that I see it as an invitation to walk through that gateway to where the magic is.

Don’t take my word for it, I invite you to experience it for yourself. What is possible for your health when you consider that healing needs to happen on several different planes?

I’m blessed to be part of a profession that offers many treatment options so not only my patients can grow with it, but I - as a professional who is also a person - can evolve as well. I have mastered several more beyond my core naturopathic education. Each new layer I add brings my skill set into alignment with working under the surface with what we can’t necessarily see, but what we feel, believe, experience, and hold on to.

Recently I was in Toronto advancing my training even further. I learned how to use my Reba Device and will be able to do energetic organ scans as well as physical terrain assessments.

Later in the spring, I’ll be studying under an ND in Kelowna who gorgeously embodies with her patients everything that I’ve mentioned in this article.

I’m clear where I’m going and who I'm becoming. That feels satisfying. When I accept this path than even the dissatisfying visits feels more satiating. This is just the dust I’m wiping off to get to my new clean living space.

I am setting an intention to be using the Reba device on the majority of patients I see. It would be such a beautiful comprehensive approach to work with food, herbal medicines, injections** for nutrients and improved tissue function, energy medicine, Brain-Based Transformation Coaching, acupuncture.

All the layers of your health onion addressed simultaneously through these different techniques and modalities.

Mmmm.... satisfaction.

How do you find satisfaction?

Maybe you’re not feeling satisfied with things in your life lately too. Here are some tips that really helped me:

Step 1 - SLOW down
Step 2 - Do only one thing at once
Step 3 - Do that thing with all your senses
Step 4 - Once the thing is done spend a moment of gratitude, acknowledging how good that thing felt. If it didn't feel good, still take the moment to reflect: how could you take responsibility to make it different next time?

Remember Shavasana. Take all the moments you need to soak everything in. Look what you just did. More importantly - feel what you just did.

Step 5 - Journal: What does satisfaction feel like? In your body? Here are some more journal questions to keep in touch with your self.
Step 6 - Repeat. Several times per day.
Step 7 - Find out the real reason behind your dissatisfaction by checking out some new cool stuff I’m doing.

These steps clear a path for more satisfaction (based on the law of Karma - the energy you put out is the energy you get back).

Thank you for reading!

I’m curious to know your thoughts. Where in your life do you feel satisfied? Unsatisfied? How do you manage that? Leave me a note in the comments below, and please pass this along to anyone who needs to see these words today.

To your healthy, happy, delightful life,

(Side note: I love doing injections. Learn more about that here and here.)