Once Again from the Top. This Time without all the Struggle.

Our thoughts matter.

Our words matter.

How we talk about ourselves matters.

How are you with learning new things? A big part of my work is about teaching people how to change their health habits, to manifest new outcomes, where they feel stronger, more energy, are happier, and more peaceful.

Maybe you can relate to this, but some people really have a hard time learning new information. And that's not why I'm writing this article. There is a concern, for me, about how people talk to themselves when they are learning. That's what these words on this screen are about.

I've never been someone who's ever struggled with learning new information - even after failing three midterms in naturopathic college (I talk about those oopsies here), I still don't have any story around the process of integrating new material.

It’s probably because I don’t actually mind the uncomfortable place in learning, where it doesn't feel good yet because I'm not competent at the new thing. Yet.

In this sticky place, we're still actively thinking about what we're learning. The new method, technique, or idea is not second nature. Yet.

And it’s not that I don’t mind that spot, it’s that I truly LOVE that spot. It's fun for me. It's exciting and grabs my attention. It satisfies me and fills me with possibility and potential.

But I see a lot of patients have a hard time there. It seems that many of them are adding struggle and suffering to the learning process unnecessarily.

An example of this came up recently in an online group I’m part of.

We are learning a novel approach to something. Weekly we meet once with the instructor for the lesson, and once without him to rehearse. On our last practice call, one lady said, “I’m struggling because I’m still not clear on which type goes with which phrase.”

This is the place where I see the learning process breaking down. It’s because of the added struggle.

I’ll have a house learning with an extra side of struggle.

Stop.

Learning is by its very nature challenging. It requires focus to forge new neural pathways from the ground up. It demands attention and curiosity to build confidence. It expects trial and error. It can't exist with out rehearsal and practice.

What learning does NOT need is added struggle and suffering.

Why do we add this layer in?

Once again from the top. This time without all the struggle.

I challenged her to consider using different language. What if she had simply said, “I’m still not clear on which type goes with which phrase.”

Do you see how this version of the question simply observes where she needs more clarity and places no judgment on it?

It’s far more kind.

If you’ve been hanging around this corner of the internet for any amount of time you probably know how I feel about choice. (HINT: I BELIEVE IN IT. Particularly when it comes to how we feel.)

We can choose to let things be easy, or at least peaceful, even if we’re engaging in new things.

I suggested she not get into her story about where she should be in this process. We’re literally having this group call to get clarity. Our instructor has been doing this work for 25 years, and we're 4 weeks into this adventure.

Feeling confused is okay. Beating yourself up for it is not.

She could have instead said, “I still have questions about...” Or, “Where I’m needing help is...” Or, “Where my brain isn’t yet clicking is...”

You have a choice and you don’t have to choose struggle.

How can you find words that put you at peace and acceptance instead of a struggle and suffering?

When I share with you new ways of eating, or different supplement regimes, or changes to your daily routine to reduce stress because I know in my experience that they will improve the very thing you came to see me for, then come to those ideas with a learners mind. It might not feel good at first. That's 100% okay.

Learning takes time, consistency, commitment, perseverance before these new ideas will feel natural to you. That's 100% okay.

Breath. Be curious. Be compassionate. And please, be gentle with yourself. 

Doing these things will result in quicker learning and better retention.

Commit to the change. Motivation will come later.

Failure is not the opposite of success. It's on the path to it.

Thank you for reading and I'd love to know in the comments below, where do you find yourself getting hung up in the learning process? How do you get through the bumps in the road?

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To your healthy, thriving, delightful life,