You know when you read a line or a paragraph over and over again with out actually taking in what you're reading?

Sometimes this happens when you're tired.

The other day my eyes kept scrolling over the words but every time I got to the end of the page I realized I had gapped out. Again.

A few months back while I was driving in my car listening to an audio book (Sacred Success by Barbara Stanny), I realized that this can also happen when you're resistant to the information the words are trying to convey.

I kept hearing the topic being introduced, getting excited about it, and then promptly planning my menu and shopping list for the next day, or reviewing tricky patient cases and how I could approach them differently.

A couple minutes would go by in my lalala head land before I would realize, "Shoot! I missed it again. What did she say?"

Rewind.

It was as if my mind wasn't ready for the breakthrough. It turns out when I was finally able to force my brain and ears to pay attention that one of the defining and integral criteria of a (female) warrior is not being afraid of herself.

Chogyam Trungp said, "The key to warriorship and the ultimate definition of bravery is not being afraid of who you are."

Woah.

Mind 'splosion.

Something clunked into place.

I always associated the word warrior with violence. It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with acknowledging, honouring, and owning your true YOU-ness.

I turned off the stereo and sat in stillness and silence as I took that in. Woah.

So more recently when I kept reading and re-reading the same words but not absorbing them I had a feeling that there was a golden nugget in them for me. And you.

I felt like I had to pry my eyelids open with toothpicks so I could finally read the words:

...it is as far removed from time as a tiny candle from a distant star, or what you choose from what you really want. - A Course in Miracles.

Woah.

Clunk.

What you choose from what you really want.

These are different things.

How far is what you choose from what you really want?

You say you want to sleep well but you're choosing to drink coffee after coffee through out the day.

You say you want to feel fulfilled but you choose to work in a job that sucks out your soul through a straw in your nostril.

You say you want to be financially free, but you over spend and don't stick to a budget.

You say you want to feel peace but you choose to stay around drama or fixed to the tele watching the news.

You say you want to lose weight but you're eating food that cause inflammation for you or you're exercising too much or too little for your biochemistry.

You say you want to feel good in your body but you talk poorly to yourself. (Tweet it!)

And you, in your ego resistance, might argue that you don't have a choice. That your circumstances are set in stone. That you have no control and are completely powerless.

I stand by my position that you do have a choice, your circumstances are never set in stone, you are the only one who has control and can find your power. Your warrior.

Think of someone you know (or a celebrity) who has overcome incredible hardship despite all odds. Who was at the helm of their boat? The hardship? The Odds? No. The human warrior made a choice about who they were going to be and what they wanted.

You have a choice.

I am not saying that the choices will always be easy. They won't.

The choices might seem hard or scary because you're worried about letting others down. But the others aren't the one living your life. You are.

But when you embrace your warrior, own your truth, find the bravery to be who you are, those choices do get easier.

You get to choose.

It might be you choose to get up 5 minutes earlier to breath deeply or meditate so you can start your day peacefully.

It might be you choose to let go of a friend or relative who is negative, plays the victim, or brings you down.

It might be you start to ask around about other companies that may be hiring. Or you take an online course about running your own business.

It might be that you buy a sketch book and start doodling.

It might be that you choose to reframe your current struggle.

It might be about saying, "No," to something you don't want to do.

How can you decrease the distance between how you are choosing to spend your precious time, energy, thoughts, money and what you really want so the two things are one and the same?

Here are a couple questions for you to workshop and journal about:

I want _______ but instead I choose ________. OR

I choose ______ despite wanting _________.

What would I need to choose to get closer to what I actually want?

How can I make a different choice to move towards what I want?

Not sure what you want? Try this.

In the comments below, I'd love to know if you had to read any of this more than once ;). But really, I'd love to know if you did discover a discrepancy between what you're choosing and what you want and if so how will you decide differently to reduce or eliminate that discrepancy?

To your healthy, thriving, delightful life,